"All the world's a corpse - the men and women merely big stringy worms climbing around inside." That's right - it's that part of the Eternal Return in which where we all play Crypt Worlds again, together. The world's first and hopefully only videogame.

Crypt Worlds: The Only Videogame™!

In this simulated cosmos you will engage in all the activities which have constituted the bulk of human experience in history up to this point.

- Eat ergot and bones

- Experience opaque religious visitations

- Crawl around

- Urinate on things

- Die

- Meet a Celebrity

- Face the awful task of waking up, again and again

- Fall through the map

- Accumulate goldcoin

- Use the jump button to get to higher locations

- Go outside

- Stay inside

- Contemplate the folly of all the dead generations

- Again and again

- Meet some skeletons

- Meet some pilgrims

- Meet some cowboys

- Urinate on the cowboys

- Again and again and again

It's the world's foremost simulation of the human experience through history.

Can you wake up again and again?

HISTORICAL NOTE:

For those not present at the time it can be difficult to convey the sheer intellectual headiness that was avantgarde videogames discourse in the early 2010s. Some believed that videogames should have a "morality gauge" - others, an "emotion gauge" - after years of rancor the two groups were placed into the same mass grave, while the format adopted the now legally mandatory "stamina gauge" instead.

In this context, Crypt Worlds' seminal innovation of the "piss gauge" was met with widespread incomprehension and horror from all parties and also a lifetime ban from several reputable bars. Yet the golden stream of history moves in a mysterious arc and what was old may yet seem new again. Morality, emotion, and stamina all fade away - only piss can last forever.

REMASTERING AND IMPROVEMENTS:

Fool! Regard your own body - dripping, deteriorating with the weight of years - sinking back into the slime from which it came! Now compare yourself to the golden frame of Crypt Worlds, the modern Adonis - those gleaming biceps! Those ample curls! Teeth like apples. gleaming in the sun as they nimbly break apart your rotting head! You speak of improvement! Get out, you-- you--!!

GAMEPLAY TIPS:

Be sure to eat all the cherries.

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NOW... Prepare to experience

The Worlds you know, like never before- features which make the skin crawl. 

• For the first time, select the game's resolution- see every pixel in horrid detail. 
• Your house is equipped with a special Golden Toilet, which issues daily piss mantras when filled
  
• Visit your old friend Dendygar after the Chaos God awakens- to fill time he now serves alcoholic beverages at his sports bar in the Pilgrime Village
  
• Trash cans now make an annoying sound when already looted that day
  
• Multiple lower graphical settings to bring out the game's inherent crappiness
• Reduced violently flashing lights in the 0x0000666F area + Mewl's Lair
  
• The cyborg helmet only needs to be picked up once, instead of having to run back and grab another each time you convert a Skeletal Pilgrime
• An essay detailing the amazing true story of Crypt Worlds' development (STILL WORKING ON THIS - COMING SOON)
• I have included the game's project folder for download (uses Unity 2018.2.14f1) so you too may make your own bootleg crypts

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Come on- just buy it already! 

We've been making free games for over a decade but need to raise more than $2,000 dollars to fund moving in less than 2 months, so if you've ever enjoyed anything we've made, here's your chance to make it count! We want to keep making weird free games forever!!! 

Zoë describes the situation in detail better than I could HERE

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CREDITS:

GAME - ME!!!

#1 MUSIC AND SFX by: Liz Ryerson

Cut-Up Piss Mantras use SCISSORS by Zoë Spinnylights who also wrote them with me!!

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-BUY DENDYGAR MERCH!!!-

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PS: If you can't afford it and want the updated build of Crypt Worlds email me at: corpse@cicadamarionette.com and I'll send it your way!